When
the marriage of a man and a woman happens because of an agreement other than
the soon-to-be-husband-and-wife, then a fixed marriage arises. It happens first
by introducing both the man and wife. This kind of marriage is still carried on
by some people over the world (Seabastian, 2010).
Specifically,
Muslims everywhere in the world know that arranged marriage is one of their
traditions and it is usual and expected. Nowadays, dating is commonly practiced
by the people especially to those who live in the west side of the world. But,
Muslims do not do such a thing. It is because they it is forbidden particularly
to female Muslims. They see arranged marriage as a happy and a strong
relationship. The love which has a seed and has been planted and it will
continually grow until the marrying is done. Then, there is a strong hope that
something will happen wonderfully. Before marrying, the parents or the elders
need to check the aspects of choosing a potential spouse so that the soon-to-be-husband-and-wife
will have a good relationship throughout their lives (Zuberi, 2011).
Courtship
is traditionally done since both have similar culture and might have the same
family background. Some families introduce the potential spouses on the day of
the marriage but others let the potential spouses to meet and introduce each
other before the marriage. They let the potential spouses send each other some
messages through text, email or even call each other through the telephone.
Usually they go out with the family and friends. Through people like friends,
imams, matchmakers or the family introduce both potential spouses for an
arranged marriage. This kind of courtship may be termed as arranged courtship
(Zuberi, 2011).
According
to Zuberi (2011), “Forced marriage, on the other hand, occurs when a man or
woman is coerced by the family to marry, using threats, emotional blackmail,
fraud, and even bribes. Arranged against the person’s will, without consent or
consent under duress. That is not a marriage in Islam; it is oppression and
abuse. Marriage is Islam requires ijab and a qubul (proposal and acceptance).
Forcing a woman to marry a man means that there was no qubul, this is the right
of a woman, regardless of her age.
Without it the marriage is a sham, like living in zinā.”
Arranged
marriages are practiced for a long time and it happen in some countries.
Matchmaking is done in an arranged marriage. It is through the elders of the
family, friends or even the priests or imams and might portray a big function
in such situation. Arranged marriages quite work well but some do not because
of some issues of the couple that they could not handle or they are just
incompatible with each other. So in turn, the marriage is broke (Jones, 2012).
There
has been matchmaking for some marriages and it is a process of finding a person
that is compatible for him or for her. Matchmakers do the matchmaking. These
people are present in any country and they are very essential to those who
believe in them. This job is very important to them. They make fortune out of
it. Professional matchmakers like Indian Hindu Astrologers or the Ashkenazi
Jewish Shadchan are some examples. They match people according to stars and the
arrangement of the planets. Traditional matchmaking believe to these beliefs
and it is very usual to those people who really believe in it.
On
the contrary, modern matchmaking occurred. Dating is now common and also
through technology, people from different places can communicate and make a
relationship through it. In Singapore, the Social Development Unit which is
under the government gives services about matchmaking. People in Singapore
engage this kind of service (Kaur, 2012).
Statistics
shows that this kind of marriage produces a happy and fruitful relationship
unlike the love-based marriages. In United States and Canada, there are forty
to fifty percent of couples that took on divorce while on the statistics of
arranged marriages has 4 percent in the divorce rate. Cultures that take part
of this kind of marriage is against divorce and so it is debatable. Yet India,
has the lowest divorce rate in the world constituting 1.1 percent.
The
advantageous of arranged marriage is quite mysterious. Although families made
possible of these relationships, beliefs made them more aware of having a happy
life (Botha).
First,
there are no high hopes from the potential spouses. So if ever both are
disappointed, they would not be very sad knew it beforehand.
Second,
if the potential spouse does have good family background, high educational
attainment, and wealth then, the future of his/her partner is secured and as a
result, the marriage would lead to success.
Third,
the decision made by the potential spouse which is approving the arranged
marriage is greatly acknowledged by the parents or the elders. It means that
the right choice has been chosen. Choosing a duty-bound partner for an
individual creates a long lasting relationship towards the future.
Lastly,
there’s no energy and time wasted if an arranged marriage is introduced. The
person could bypass wrong doings and decisions that are irresponsible if he or
she would approve the arranged marriage (Kovrlija, 2013).
If
there are advantages, there are also disadvantages about this kind of marriage.
One disadvantage is that the person cannot choose a partner of his or her own
choice. It is a very important decision about choosing a lifelong partner and
it will effect on the lives of two people if they would tie each other’s lives
through marriage. It is more convenient and fun facing the challenges of life
if there is this right partner that would share his or her life to the one he
or she loves.
The
in-laws have a big part of the live of the couple. They might be demanding,
they the right to say something, they have stand for some issues like raising
the children and they know what kind of daughter or son-in-law they are
encountering. Among the many problems resulting to the strife of marriage, interfering
in-laws in one of the main problems.
Selma
(2012) claims that, “The tragedy caused by “Arranged Marriage” can be
attributed to three factors: social system, family honor, and the inadequate
concern about feelings.
Social system takes
the dominant factor that causes the tragedies in the arranged marriage. In the
feudal society in ancient time, the general sense that people had is that they
were not allowed to choose whom they would marry. They took it for granted that
it was parents who had the right to pick up a martial partner for their
children based on the common standards; if children rejected their parents’
decision, they would be treated as unfilial and should be heavily punished. As
a result, the younger generation dared to challenge their parents’ authority.
In some cases,
parents choose the marital partners for their children because they want to
manage or empower the social status of the whole family. They will choose their
future daughter/son-in-law from families with similar or higher level on the
power, wealth, or reputation.”
Akhmadeeva
(2009) states that,” Inadequate concern about the feelings makes a marriage
suffocating. In most of conservative countries around the world, women are a
vulnerable group whose emotions and feelings fail to draw enough attention from
their families and the whole society. Their world is confined within their
family, and their opinions are always ignored by their family members. In their
family and society, no one cares whether they love their husband, or whether
their husband marries them because of love. They desire to love and be loved;
unfortunately, they cannot feel that in their marriage. Much worse, there is no
one for those unhappy ladies to express their depression and dissatisfaction to
or share their problems with. Living in such a marriage, it is impossible for those
ladies to understand and feel what are care, love, and respect from their
husband. They live under the charge of their male family members, afraid to
disobey their orders and wishes.”
According
to Andrews (2010),” No marriage, arranged or love, would be successful in the
absence of love, trust and mutual understanding.”
